Bumper Stickers

I hate it when people plaster bumper stickers all of their cars! It's like they want the rest of the world to know their religious and political beliefs. These are the same people who will refuse to sit down with you, one on one, and have a serious discussion about either one of these topics. I am sick of those "W" stickers posted on the rear windshields of the big gas guzzling SUV's of soccer mom's and the pick-up trucks of rednecks. In my opinion that makes you a conservative who's afraid of "the black and brown people" and "The gays getting married." I want to smash a brick through your fu*king windshield and then urinate on the hood of your vehicle. A few weeks ago I saw this lady with rainbow and LAMBA stickers plastered on her bumper. At least 15 fu*king stickers! I wanted to pull her out of her car at the stop light and scream "ALRIGHT! I KNOW YOU'RE A F^CKING LESBIAN! GET OVER IT!" I don't have stickers on my car telling everyone I'm straight or that I'm an atheist. I hate seeing those Jesus freaks with their Jesus fish on their cars or the militant atheist with the Darwin fish. It's a vehicle, not a f^cking billboard.

Religious People

I guess its time for me to share something that few people know about me. Despite all of my flaws and insecurities I am actually the creator of the universe. That’s right ladies and gentlemen, I AM GOD! I am the master and creator of the universe. I don’t mean this in the traditional sense. Of course I am not some bearded robed figure sitting in the clouds but I am the creator of my own universe. This is not a new theory by any means. If the world around me is merely a product of my senses then what I see, feel, touch, taste and smell brings my world into creation. In this sense, I would be god, so when I die the entire world dies with me. Everyone in my world plays a role but most of you are just here for my entertainment. So it doesn’t matter what you people think or the feelings that you claim to feel because I am the one controlling your existence.

The Internet

I feel like I’ve reached a sign that says:




Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I’ve been surfing since 1997. It feels like I have played all of the internet games, participated in all of the networking sights and read every blog there is to read. I am bored with the internet. Blah….

Fridays

Right…This is something that people in the workforce say in passing on a Friday afternoon. Everyone seems so happy to have 48 hours of solitude after spending, on average, 40 hours trapped in a tiny 8x10 office or even worse, a tiny windowless cubicle. Okay… so there are 40 hours out of the week when I’m supposed to actually be working, another 2 hours a day spent commuting. Most of my waking time is spent staring at a computer screen and sharing recycled air with a bunch of retarded monkeys. Saturday is usually spent running errands that I can’t do during the week and most of the Christians spend their Sundays in church looking for solace. So … ladies and gentlemen I implore you, what is so happy about a god damn Friday afternoon??

Tree

The tree outside of my office window provides a constant distraction. When I started working here it was dotted with hundreds of little white blossoms. The wind carried them away, carpeting the ground and creating a whirlwind of falling flowers. Slowly the blossoms turned into tiny leaves, a vibrant, almost florescent green in stark contrast to the dark branches of the tree. As the sun grew closer to the earth, the leaves turned a deeper, richer shade of green, almost hiding the branches completely in their fullness. The winter took with it the sun and subsequently the leaves. One branch split off into another seeming to go on for an eternity until they became too small for me to see with my naked eye. Even now it’s alive and shimmering outside my window. Every leaf is distinct and multidimensional in the sunlight and shadows.

Transportation

Rising gas prices make it too expensive to drive and the constant harrasment at the airport makes it too much of a hassel to fly. The American people have essentially been grounded. The terrorist have won.